omfg.

tired.

she said:
"so you put all your excess energy/attention/effort into pursuing something that you know is unattainable. because then there's no risk of you gettin disappointed."
"this emotional need that's never fulfilled"

i think i get what she's tryin to say.
i guess it applies in sebastian's case. as josh told me, "he's like your popular cheerleader sister's boyfriend. someone who's nice and talks to you but you just know he'll never be yours. you still dream anyway."

that's the only spot-on point though. when i think back on her words, i doubt i have an emotional need that's always left unfulfilled. even though i thought that jean left me disappointingly high and dry. but when i think again, he didn't get that far. i can safely say... i've never met anyone who managed to really really break my heart. nor anyone who left me feeling extremely disappointed. i've never truly fallen that deep before, even though in the past i thought i have.
well, i have yet to.
despite what many believe, i don't wear my heart on my sleeve (: it's not a place i let people in easily. true, i fall in and out of "love" very easily, but it's hardly ever serious.

other than t and jean, my attention span has always been very hastily short. i pursue it intensely for a brief period, then it dies. "yet to grow up, still wanting to play." are josh's words. haha. i suppose that's pretty much it?
that's why i like martin so much. it was purely flirtatious banter that we knew would only go so far. yet we still play. and i've got to admit, part of why i was drawn? i respected the fact that he wasn't smitten by her. ha. it really takes somethin to do that.

anyway. heh. it then led me to ponder about how much of myself i actually show my friends. to be quite honest, the only person who has really managed to see through my bluffs and gave me an almost spot-on description of who he thought i really was, is kit. maybe it's cause we're similar in so many ways. it scares me sometimes, how i can hide certain things from so many people, but just not him. mates, indeed.
and josh too. but i think he gets it jus from bein too observant and analytical. ha.

rightttt. 'm out.

to the girl i spent my airport days with: 'm sorry we haven't had time to hang out and talk. soon though hey (: take care of yourself meanwhile.. sometimes you really don't have to think so much. just feel. don't bother bout friends opinions. it's a matter of your heart, not theirs.
omg i sound so cliche and hallmark. lol. much love yea (: