omfg.

haha. fine, josh. fine. i fell in lust. she's really really nice though.. (:
anyway, had lunch with faith yesterday.. so... good stuff (: took more pictures of her pictures.
was supposed to meet the 'class' at mos. was really lookin forward to it before shit started at home.. plans disrupted, stayed home to watch replay of champions league semis.

went to bed early.

toss and turn. thought about this and that. and yeah. life's really quite screwed up huh? ha. i mean, sure there are the pretty things in life. and sometimes really good shit happens once in a while..
but when you take a step back and look at the whole picture, 3/4 of it is covered with ugly black and red smudges. friends come and go. more often than not, you wonder whatever did you do that made your relationships with family and friends turn so sour. did you not do enough. or did you do too much.
then after all that pondering, after being bitten so many times and not learning your lesson. you figured, oh wth. indeed since friends come and go, i'll take it with a pinch of salt too. have fun while it lasts yet knowing at the back of your mind where to draw the line. where to put up the barriers and say, 'okay you're gettin too close, now back off'.
so you don't get anymore new wounds. but what happens when you realize that the old wounds which were supposed to heal with time, which were supposed to be scabs by now, are only festering inside.
on certain days, these old wounds surface and you realize rather shockingly that 'wow, it still stings.' they never went away, merely pushed to the back of your mind and stuffed under all that superficiality you've let yourself grow accustomed to.
then you start thinkin about more importantly, your loved ones, your family. the people who were supposed to be there for you all the time. you think about how they dont appreciate you. how everything you do is never enough. how you're always the black sheep of the family. you envy your friends who have parents that say nice things about them, how they're so proud of what they've achieved. you become bitter and wonder why couldn't you have been born into another family. one that gave you a pat on your back when you did well for your exams, one that didn't just keep asking why couldn't you do more.
after all these angst, you're on a roll. you wallow deeper into this miserable pool of self-pity and think, 'wtf. why am i weak. why can't i be stronger? perhaps all these is my fault. perhaps i brought it all unto myself! it's no one's fault but my own. i chose to let these people hurt me. i knew they were scumbags but i still let them get to me! fuck i'm pathetic!'
so you sink deeper and deeper into self-misery..........

and that's the end! (:
wow, if you really read through that.. oh man. ha.
amazing huh? the crap and shit that people can come up with.
well if you were a tad smarter and simply scrolled all the way down, summary is.. life really sucks. don't expect too much out of it. cause then your hopes would be dashed and you become miserable. and suicidal. and then.. yeah..

on another note.. good luck to the guys enlisting tomorrow. haha.

to end it off, GC rocks!