vidrar

i moved.

2007-12-31T22:04:00.000-08:00

i moved.

http://opiateofthe-wordaddicts.blogspot.com/

2007-10-27T23:29:00.000-07:00

've been feelin pretty out of it lately. i feel like 'm on this never ending emotional roller coaster. and people gettin on my nerves far too easily. i don't snap though. i don't think i ever do. haha. i just.. brood.

a few term papers and presentations are over. 9999 more term papers and presentations to go. woofuckinhoo.

kyle's been awful sweet recently. haha. despite tauntin me with his gorgeous pictures of asia. have a safe trip round the world, ky. i so can't wait to go on mine.
phu and kristofer have been teachin me basic swedish. hahaha. fun. tjena! hur mår du? jag heter jasmin och kommer från singapore. jag talar svenska nu!

i love ikea! went there with bingo to get some stuff this mornin. she was actin a little loony. hahaha. reminded me of the silly things maine, rach and i did at ikea malmö. haha. anyway, we had the good ole hotdogs after and then i spotted the ballerina cookies at the swedish food section. OMG. haha. i was super happy :) too bad there's no fanta free. lol.

finally met up with min today. photoshoot at arab street. haha. had a good time :)
've also been seein amanda quite a bit at her events, rk-ing. love.
studyin sessions with jesselyn.
hangin out, goin random places with bingo.
lunchin, hangin out with drey.
i reallyreally love my girlfriends :)
can't wait for next saturday!

i love my talks with bingo :) we cancerians, are a sensitive bunch. haha.. blessing and a curse at the same time, indeed.

i hate it when good friends lie. or when they say one thing and do another. it really puts me off. but 've decided that i shouldn't be too bothered by such things anymore. if you don't wanna be upfront about it, then so be it :) and if you dont feel the need to put in any effort at all, then so be it :)

late night

2007-10-11T02:08:00.000-07:00

1:58am
late night randomness.

craving for prata (:

'm suddenly missin sweden a little. well, more than a little. but not too much. haha. it's got to be the aftermath of today's marketing meeting with the swedish group mates. i miss the brightening of the sky at 3am. the setting of the sun at 10pm.

anyway, lots to do at school. dsc term paper due next friday. i havent even decided on my topic. i will start tmr. i hope. haha. marketing and southeast presentation next week too. and then management the followin week. group and individual. *roars
also, 'm tremendously afraid to get my finance mid term back. sighs. i just wanna pass :( god, i used to love math. :(

i hate school :(

i love the winchester boys.

i really want man united's jersey.

i wanna club.

kyle's on yet another pretty island.
i hope he gets mauled by a tiger.

ryan's gettin prettier and prettier each time he uploads a new picture. lol.

the new air-con is amazing. i wear my hoodie to sleep.

and i reallyreally missyou :(

my sweet summer

2007-08-03T04:39:00.000-07:00

've been going to bed between 5 to 730am ever since i got back. haha. tried to get my body to adjust back by going to bed at 130 but i just kept tossing and turning till 3. got frustrated so i got back up.

anyway, it's been 8 days since i got back. haven't really been doing much. unpackin and reorganising my stuff, choosing pictures from the 1000++ that i have so i can develop them, arrangin and organisin my europe scrapbook stuff, met up with a few people, belated birthday celebrations. haha. sweet :) watchin an indie movie about a young gay filipino boy, going back to hog's to work.
but it still doesn't keep me from thinkin bout manchester, the hatters, london, liverpool yha, old trafford, malmo, chocolate factory, stippes and well, you know. haha. miss it like fuck. i guess it's gonna take me a few weeks to get over this whole "summer break is over" funk. lol. sucks monkey ass balls.
i was thinkin, if i hadn't spent that much time in malmo, i wouldn't have missed it so much. but we were there for quite some time. we got to know the place well, even managed to blend in with the locals on occasion. made friends. that's why it sucked so bad to leave.

in any case, 'm so awfully glad i got the chance to travel all the way there to spend my summer break. 3 countries and 10 cities. 've seen and learnt so much. england: london, manchester, liverpool, birmingham, oxford. sweden: stockholm, malmo, lund, ystad. denmark: copenhagen.
england and sweden were just amazingly awesome. from the rich history and culture to the people, the food and the shopping. haha. well they have their downsides too. homeless people are a common sight and the streets aren't safe at night.
and not to forget what uncle said, "you wouldn't like sweden so much, if you came during winter". only 7-8 hours of daylight. what?! haha.

but it certainly was fun staying together for such a long time with maine and rachael. haha. i think we all got along pretty good actually, aside from rach's grumpiness when we wake her mid-sleep at 6am after coming home from chocolate factory. lol :)
maine and i adjusted to each other's habits pretty fast, nodding in agreement to all the "it's so annoying!" during the respective "time of the month". haha. not bein able to find my stuff and havin her tell me exactly where it is, me picking up her choice words and using them unconsciously. well i just got so used to havin her by my side that it felt pretty weird for abit when i got back here and well, she wasn't anymore. it's the most time we've spent with each other and man, i can't wait to do it again sometime :)
they made my 20th such an awesome one too. rach made spiked chocolate shots for me and they both counted down to my 20th. not to mention snapping ugly pictures of the last minutes of me being 19. haha. too sweet :)
and then, auntie going out at 8am just to get me a birthday cake from a popular bakery, driving up to kaseberga for lunch at a place where it's so popular people drive for miles, just to have a taste of their fish and going to this quaint cafe for coffee and a cookies buffet. man, i was so happily stuffed :) and then uncle driving us to club at chocolate factory because in his words "it's her birthday". LOL :)

one thing that this trip has made so starkingly obvious to me, is my desire to travel and explore all of europe. and settle down somewhere there in the very distant future. lol. we met backpackers in england, who are working and traveling round europe at the same time. they stay in a city for a month or maybe less, work, explore, save up and move on to another. i think that's what 'm gonna do once i leave NUS in 2 years. work and travel for 1 1/2 years maybe. then try to get into law school by 24 or 25. heh.
which means, there goes my childhood dream of gettin hitched by 24 and startin a family by 27. LOL :)

've also had my very first summer love in lovely malmo. haha. a pretty short but awfully sweet memory and the 20th & 21st of july '07 will be nights i remember for a long time to come. we met a whole bunch of fun, cute and amazing people but none seemed to have gotten to me the way he did. there was something about him that was so endearingly genuine that i couldn't help but let him in. between maine and me, let's just say, a-t-t-e-n-t-i-o-n. lol :) i do miss him something fierce though. the way he holds my hand, the way he hugs me, how he sings into my ear and how i had to stand on my tippy toes, askin for a kiss. and he rocks at playing ping pong too. lol :)
aiight but with that said, a summer love is just what it is, a summer love. 'll remember and treasure it but we've all got to move on someway or another. i think he just might have shown me what i really like in a guy. and maybe someday 'll find someone just as awesome.

and with that, here's a last. goodbye summer. you've been fuckin awesome. see you next year :D

2007-07-26T22:53:00.000-07:00

so 'm back in singapore. sucks monkey ass balls.

'm missin you somethin crazy. drivin me nuts.

england

2007-07-15T04:03:00.001-07:00

heya.
currently in birmingham where it's raining cats and dogs. we've been holed up in mc donalds for the past 4 hours. we slept at the coach station last night cause we wanted to save on accomodation. lol. it's the second time we've stayed out, the first being in london. horrid experience. haha. you never truly know how lucky you are to have a roof over your head and a comfy bed until, well. until your warm and comfy bed is replaced by the cold and hard chairs in coach stations. haha. the weather sucks here. hopefully it'll be better in stratford-upon-avon and oxford. leaving in 4 hours.
birmingham's actually a pretty cool place. big city like london but it's not as glamorous i suppose. they have a little beach just outside of a huge shopping mall. check this out.

and it's outside a huge shopping mall called bull ring. this is the view from the side of the building.

anyway, 'm missing manchester like crazy. i really love it there. maine says 'm biased. haha. but it really is a nice place to live in. it's a city that's not too big, has it's own cool downtown area and also the lovely surburbs. it's not expensive like london and uh, there's quite alot of cute white boys. hahaha.
we also visited urbis, where they showcased the best of manchester and also places all over the world where people change or conserve dumping/useless places into places where people can have fun. was pretty cool. the hostel we lived in was awesome too. called the hatters. free wi-fi, and toast 24/7! jasmin loves bread!! haha. friendly desk people and cute backpackers living there. lol. 'm def gonna go back to manchester again someday soon. hopefully during the epl season.... haha. the trip to old trafford was surreal. :) it's still hard to believe at this point of time that i was actually standing in the theater of dreams.

was in liverpool for a bit before heading here. liverpool's like.. uh, a white thrash city. ha. i mean yeah, it is indeed a beautiful city with very rich history and culture of it's own. we visited tate liverpool which was real cool and a demolition art museum. but i don't know if it's because the governing there sucks or they're just too poor, alot of people there are.. well, thrashy for lack of a better word. their accents are alot thicker too. very unlike london or even manchester. oh but liverpool is the home of the fab four, more popularly know as the beatles.
we met a dutch girl and 2 american girls in our dorms. nice people :) the dutch girl, maria, is heading to wales after liverpool for 2 weeks and she's alone! haha. i don't think i'd dare to do that yet. she's tall though and she plays rugby so when we were walking down the streets at night she said we don't have to worry cause she can tackle any guys who attack us. lol.

one common thing that we've been seeing as we backpacked around england was that.. there really are alot of homeless people. some scary, and some who just make your heart ache a little. we just had a pretty young boy asking us for some change to get food. it just makes us wonder like, where are their parents and how did they end up on the streets. and it's weird cause you see expensive shops like fcuk, Lv and diesel. then you see on the other side of the street, homeless people picking up cans or just squatting and trying to keep warm.
but oh well, i guess such is life and we always wanna find answers to them but we hardly ever do.

oh, i didn't update bout london. haha. london was amazing. amazing and fucking amazing. especially justin's concert. fucking fucking amazing. lol. and we had such awesome weather that big weekend too with tour de france, live earth, justin, silverstone. i have so much to say about london but i guess i'll keep that for the next update and 'll post nicer pictures too.

happy birthday huimin, audrey, libing and my mommy! hope everyone's doing good back in singapore. i don't wanna go home. lol.

malmo

2007-06-30T14:39:00.000-07:00

hej hej!
it's currently 11pm and we just had chocolate fondue! haha. 'm havin a great summer, going awesome places with awesome company. it's, well, awesome for lack of a better word. lol :) haven't really been doing alot the past few days. actually, it has been a pretty relaxing holiday for me. it's like a chalet of sorts. i think 'm actually only gonna have to "tough it out" when i leave for london this friday. but 'm lookin forward to it though :)

anyway, so we've just been exploring parks, museums and shops in malmo, window shopping, drinking coffee and people watching, going to the beach to run, to watch indie bands play, to watch the sun set at 10pm, going to the skatepark. haha just stuff like that.
then we went to club during the weekend. at this place called chocolate factory. was a beach party in a club. sand, beach chairs, lifeguards as bartenders. so that was pretty cool. drank, danced and uhm, had fun. :) haha :)
but you know, the fact that it already happened before once, i should know better by now that very often, opportunities don't come by twice. so you've got to grab hold of it the first time round. it's like, grow some balls, seriously. haha. but still, it was fun.

so this is the crazy amazing boy who skates like a pro. and he's small. haha. small and wears skinny jeans. too cute and just awesome.

this is us at western harbour. crazy boys jumping off the bridge. it's like, 15deg out and we're wrapped up in our sweaters and they're jumping into the water half-naked :) and that's one of the houses along the harbour. a house with a sea-view. that's what 'm gonna live in someday. haha

alright and this is the malmo library. there's this picture up there, it shows the old library being connected to the new library by a bridge. and the inside is pretty neat. it's like little boxes piled up onto one another.

these are the soccer dudes who stopped so we could take a picture of them. one of them was called tiny me. haha.

this is us visiting the original ikea. haha. was fun. and the bed that rach is lying on, i love that bed. i wanna get it! i want it!! haha.

SUBWAY, DUDE!!! SUBWAY!!!! HOW AWESOME IS THAT, SERIOUSLY. :) and we have like, 4 subways in our vicinity. one of them looks really cool too, with twisty stairs. :)

apoteket is their pharmacy. ain't that neat. haha. we walked past and were like, huh. this is a pharmacy? haha.

and i put this picture up because... uh, that's alot of bikes. swedish people pretty much cycle everywhere they go. they have one side of the road reserved for them, one side of the path and they even have their own traffic lights. haha.

heh okay maine has tempted me to go out once again so i gotta stop. i know this update's alot more brief and less interesting. lol. sorry. but will be back with more and pictures from our trip to lund, which is sweden's very own university town, like britain's oxford :)

ado!

sweden

2007-06-27T03:02:00.000-07:00

hey hey!
well maine's dad got a wireless card from his office so now we have wireless at home! (: cool bananas. cause otherwise it would have been expensive to get wireless outside and it's kinda hard to mooch off others too. heh.

so 've been here for almost a week now and it's been so cool. i feel like i've already seen so much but there's still so much more to explore! i reached copenhagen
in the morning where maine picked me up.

we took a train to malmo, sweden, where her dad lived. the apartment's really cool. furnished by ikea of course. haha.
we had lunch at la empanada's. a mexican place just 2mins from the apartment. the servings are hugee and yummy (: i had kyckling enchiladas. i think that's how you spell them. haha. oh and kyckling's chicken. like almost everything here is in swedish so we kinda have to figure out what is what on our own. i'd like to think we're gettin pretty good at it. sometimes the locals speak to us in swedish and we'd be like, "what...?" haha. then they realise we're tourists and switch to engelska (:
after that we walked around a little. one thing bout malmo is that you can walk everywhere. we've walked from like one end of the map to the other and sometimes we even walk off the map. haha. we walk soooo much. it's good though, burning all the calories! and even though we've walked so much, we haven't covered the entire city yet. lol. that'll take awhile i think.

anyway, we left for stockholm that very evening. was roughly a 6hour drive. stockholm's gorgeous (: we arrived just in time for their midsommer celebrations. midsommer is the only day in the year when it never gets dark. it was way cool. like at 12am, it was still bright out. actually, during the summer in sweden, they have really long days. the sun usually sets only around 9pm (: i love long days!
so on midsommer day, most of the shops are closed except for like cafes and probably a few tourist shops. everyone else goes to the different gardens and parks around stockholm to have picnics, or just hang and chill with their friends/family/etc.
most people head to skansen which is an open air museum. so that was where we headed. it's like botanic gardens but way larger and nicer. people were just sitting in the tall grass, picnicking or simply lying there and enjoying the sun. skansen has real models of the different kind of housings that used to occupy stockholm. oh and during midsummer, they do the traditional maypole dance.

reminded me of the return of the native and i was like thinking, mann 'm actually experiencing a pagan celebration in the flesh! lol (: they were trying to get everyone to participate in the maypole dance but we were too shy so we just stood by the side to watch. heh.
we also made our own little wreaths! pretty ones of course, to wear on our heads (:

we also visited the royal palace. and once again, were lucky enough to catch the changing of the guards just in time (:
hot swedish guys AND girls in uniforms, dudeeee. haha. nice (: the palace was.... well, grand for lack of a better word. i mean, duh. it's a palace. lol. but it was so beautifully done. seriously, now i know why they say europe has the best architecture. it really is pretty darn amazing how they carve such intricate designs into the marble and the painted ceilings? pffft. fucking gorgeous. maine was saying elaborately painted ceilings are THE sign of wealth. haha.
we also went down to the treasury where they kept all the crowns/ jewels/ swords and basically everything expensive. lol. oh and the guard there told us that those crowns (with hundreds of jewels encrusted on them) were actually never worn on the heads of the royals, but rather, merely placed on a pillow next to them. he said they were never meant to be worn. interesting fact huh (: or maybe it's just me. haha. we also saw a crown made specifically for occasions like funerals.
oh the hotel we stayed in was sweeett!! haha. room was pretty big and there was a japanese door which opened up into another little master room. so the room actually housed 6 separate beds. buffet kinda breakfast where we made our own waffles (: cereal and yoghurt is my favourite breakfast now! and the counter guy was so nice. helped us with so many things and he was so friendly (:
we also took a boat tour which basically brought us around stockholm and showed us the good/interesting/historic spots (:

then we visited drottningholm palace. which was the summer house of the royal family. they were living in the northern part of the palace so we could only access the south and the gardens. likewise, it was gorgeous (: the family's a good looking bunch. lol. the princesses are so beautiful, just like the queen. and the prince looks like orlando bloom! especially in his recent pictures.
oh and the guards are so funny. at the guard post where they stand, they actually have a semi circle of sorts drawn around them. so we're not supposed to cross that line when we wanna take pictures with them. lol. we even saw one time, where this guard who was standing at attention, suddenly just marched away when some people were about to take a picture. they were all like, "hey where's he going...." hahahaha. we decided to play with this cute guard and started imitating him, making funny comments and taking funny pictures. but he just didn't respond! so we got kinda tired and decided to take out some m&m's to eat. then suddenly we saw him turn his head and he looked at us! hahaha. then he grinned before turning back. was cute (:

the best thing i liked about stockholm was old town. it's this small town where the little streets are all lined up with quaint little stores. they sell all sorta stuff and it's really lovely (: they have really good glass too. ice cream is called glass here (: they eat glass alllll the time even though it's so cold. they have so many flavours too! after having glass here you'd think b&j's are overrated. haha.
one thing i realise bout sweden though is that everything is kinda expensive. i mean, sure, their portions can be rather filling and it's worth the price but it's not cheap. kinda like singapore cafe prices.

we also visited the city hall where all the political stuff takes place. it's also where the nobel prize ceremony and dinner happens. oh in the picture, there's a shot of the ceiling of the parliament chambers. really beautiful (: anyway, it has rectangular vents in them. they're a symbol of how there are no secrets being discussed in those chambers and everything said can be heard on the outside by the swedish people.
there's also another picture of a painting on the walls. they were painted by prince eugene and it was an exact reflection of what can be seen from the windows on the opposite side. that room's called the reflection room (: there were even half-chandeliers on the left side of the wall cause they were supposed to be reflections of the chandeliers hanging down the middle of the room. so that was kinda cool.
then there was the golden hall where everything was well, gold. the paintings on the wall were done by a 28 year old relatively unknown artist who took 10 months to paint the entire room, which would have actually taken 7 years. so imagine how much work went into it. but because they were rushing, the artist was chosen as he already had a plan of how the room was going to be painted. he had alot of side helpers to speed things up but still, he made quite a few mistakes in the paintings. however he managed to justify them with witty reasonings. haha. one of them was sweden's national symbol, there were 3 crowns but he only drew in 2. and the head of a horseman got cut off because the measurements were miscalculated and he ran out of space for the head. lol.

okay and we did lots more and the past 2 days back in malmo we've done so much too but 'm gettin kinda lazy. 've written SOO MUCH! lol. 'll just put up pictures and write little commentaries tmr or something since we have wireless now. (:
going to the skatepark and a concert by the beach in a few hours! (:

2007-05-28T23:04:00.000-07:00

i think you're a sick, sick guy. cause i think you take pleasure in watchin me squirm. keepin me guessin all the damn time. why can't you make up your mind instead of tugging me around.
hot one minute and cold the next. you're like some pms-ing bitch. and i wish i could just let it go. i mean, sheesh. god knows you're so not worth it. so not worth it.
rolls eyes.
and 'm a sucker for pain. causin myself unnecessary grief when really, i should have known better. haha. stupid stupid girl.

and the results comin out when they did, just did not make things any better. seriously, fucked up.

now if i can make it to meet sebastian and josh this vesak day then it would make me alot happier. but what are the odds huh. i really wanna go, "work sucks". but i can't really. haha. cause i'm havin quite a bit of fun. nice people all around and funny as hell too (:

bintan

2007-05-11T20:48:00.000-07:00

back from bintan!
haha. was an enjoyable, relaxin trip (: loved it.
even though we didn't have alot of exciting things to do, but twas more of a bonding with friends trip 'd say.
kit got us a reeaaallly good deal. big house, our own little buggy (which we absolutely loved. lol), the awesome beach just a minute away.
memorable moments like ms "awkward moments define my life" fallin off the back of the buggy, flashing of boobies, eil going bottomless instead of the usual topless, fat caucasian man commentin on how lucky kit is, after which he went on doing some disturbing poses. haha. ju's swim trunks which he bought years ago. reckless driving which made the buggy squeaky. the awesome stars (: and not to mention, golf. really quite a fun sport (: spending over a hundred thousand on our meals, where else do we get to do that huh? haha. attemptin to cook breakfast.
i could go on and on (: point is, twas a smashin holiday with some of us endin up sun-kissed, others, sun-burnt. haha. and maybe we'll get to do it again real soon. cheers to more good times, guys.

now, back to the harsh reality of life. job hunting once again. haha. fuckers.

pictures will be up soon (:

red devils.

2007-05-03T11:25:00.000-07:00

a match between 2 supposedly world class teams. and one failed to live up to it.
defense was pretty much in shambles, the excellent finishin touches were no where to be found this morning.
the lack of world class strikers, some say. but i doubt that's the case. they're a team of fucking amazing players. i guess it was just a disappointing night. i think the 2nd goal killed them, to be quite honest. the 3rd was just a final sucker punch.

so there you have it.

the crucial night where they needed their best performance, their fluid passes and one touch finishings. and they failed to live up to their title as champions.

way to fuck it up. haha.

anyway, that's over and done with. if it's any consolation at all, i guess devil fans should at least feel a little better knowing it was liverpool that progressed and not chelsea.
ahh fuck it. who are we kidding. it fuckin sucks all the same.

FA cup and EPL.
come on manchester. show us what champions are made of.

2007-04-29T00:23:00.000-07:00

funny how ironic life can be sometimes.
it saddens me, to see friendships fall apart.
i mean, of course i've always told myself that all good things have to come to an end. and nothin can really last forever, they say. but i guess i just expected ours to last a little longer. i thought we were a little tougher than that. guess not (:
it's okay though.. your loss, not mine.
i know you think i'm such a dumbass sometimes. for the things i put up with. and don't feel bad. i doubt you're the only one that feels that way. i feel silly sometimes too i suppose. but it's really not that easy to pull away. cause there have been the few rare times, when no one else could see what was wrong, except her. few and far between, yes. but it means a whole lot to me.
i never expected you to understand. neither did i expect anyone else to.

but you know what. we're all grown up now. too old for such games anymore. so... think what you want, feel whatever you like, say whatever you want to say. i really don't wanna care anymore (:

that aside, 'm psyched for summer break!! simply can't wait to travel around. though the idea of the results comin out before i leave is a wee bit of a turn off. but ahh well, nothin i can do about that i suppose. i wish i could swing by and visit you rylie! but alas, i don't have a rich daddy like your honey (: maybe someday soon okay! or you could always come visit me. heh.
've got to find good payin jobs! like, right now. haha.

i should probably not club too so i can save on the cash.. though that seems a rather tough task to adhere to. haha.

supernatural rocks. i know i know, 'm a little slow on the uptake. but hey, i've caught up good! haha. prolly gonna start on heroes next. lotsa time to bum around and enjoy before the axe drops huh (: can start my daily runs and occasional swims too! too good too good.

2007-04-22T06:04:00.000-07:00

takin a break from financial accoutin. and well,
jasmin loves nick carter (:

2007-04-07T15:25:00.000-07:00

was helpin out at Stomp, the dance comp yesterday. pretty fun. haha. huiyan and i were doin registration. which occupied us for an hour tops. after which we just sat there looking like exhibits. lol! that girl's really quite hilarious. talked about bein law rejects, not knowing what we're doin in nus biz. surprisin bit of similarities (: oh and embarrassing things we did in our younger years. god, that made us feel and sound really really old. bein 20 soon. we're really dreadin it. haha
the event drew a pretty good crowd.. nusme got publicity too (: oh and saw ewan. and amanda's 'bitchy' pretty dance mate. haha he's funny. helped himself to our seats.

probably goin down slightly later today. get some work done first.. and there's brooklyn rock tonight.

i should be studyin. yep.

mug

2007-04-04T01:57:00.000-07:00

i<3maxxie
and maxxie says i have to study hard.
lol.

silence

2007-03-24T23:22:00.000-07:00

people can't ever stay contented for long. you'll feel so satisfied, like the cat who got the cream. and the next moment, you find your satisfaction fading away and you start to want even more cream. it's never ever enough. i hate cats.

've gotten a little weary of forced laughter and smiles. where's the friend who could sit by me for hours and let silence reigned. i still remember, albeit distantly, the feel of the wind blowing against my face. as we tried to look as far as we could.

my social skills have taken a nosedive in recent weeks.
i guess i've been missing the silence that used to be found so easily.

people demand too much. each person just wants a little. but it gets suffocating sometimes. and you wonder if you could survive alone. yet at the back of your mind, behind that black curtain where you hide all your annoying sensibilities, you know that you can't. that looming loneliness will swallow you whole some day.
i need people around me. yet i don't. i would like to remain in the shadows. yet i'd like to be the center of his universe. i like the thumping beat of that song. but i love the silence too.

will you sit with me just for awhile.

oh yes.

2007-02-17T23:54:00.000-08:00

yep, i've set up a fund.

'Send Jasmin to Europe' fund

please donate generously. it would be very much appreciated. plus you'll have extremely good karma comin your way too.

thankyou (:

2007-02-16T22:20:00.000-08:00

happy chinese new year!

he sits beside me,
silent.
with the occasional smile.

"i've learnt not to wish for anythin"

i can see us holding hands.

2007-01-20T01:31:00.000-08:00

i've missed you somethin fierce.

you should log on more. yes?

mm hmm.

2006-11-18T20:19:00.000-08:00

*SQUEE!

it's been so long since i last saw you.

can we say a lil shock to the system?
haha.

and she cries.

2006-11-16T21:58:00.000-08:00

so i took a wild shot. took the plunge.
i've done all i could.
please let me go.
please let me go.

it's less than 2 weeks away.
i'm not prepared yet.
i need more time. alot more time.
stop tempting me to club. i can't afford the time!

how can one do well.
when the interest isn't there.
when the passion's burning as fiercely as a comatose body in the morgue.

antisocial

2006-10-29T03:40:00.000-08:00

a hat-trick.
what a splendid way to mark your 21st, mr wayne rooney (:

met up with old friends earlier this week. it was fun (: lots of laughter and it was comforting to know how some friends don't change.
especially after a week of many many *indignant gasps* "she said that?!" haha.

mm.. so.

've not been feeling very people friendly these past few weeks. haha. people gettin on my nerves far too easily. i admit.. that most people think i'm a really nice girl. and most of the time, if it's within my ability to do something for you, i would.
but i get extremely annoyed when you start to take advantage of my niceness tho. i mean, if you are able to get through college and earn yourself a place in the uni, your social etiquette should be fairly good and you should have the common grace and courtesy that uncivilised people lack. i think every human being should have enough common sense to know your own limits. don't keep taking and taking. seriously, stop for a moment and don't be such a fucking "think for yourselfer".
and i'm really not the sort to go after people and say,(in ry's words) hey! i helped you that one time.. remember.. that one time not so long ago. and...... well, you havent said thankyou yet.
LOL. yea not that sort. cause i really don't give a flyin fuck, seriously. but you know, after constantly taking advantage so many times without me muttering a single curse word (in your face at least.), you could at least have the decency to not act as though you're the one who's doin me a favor? i mean.. hello?! what's this! for cryin out loud. were you dropped on your head multiple times as a baby?!
and also, people need to stop blaming the world for the sorry state of that pathetic excuse they call a life.

you smile at me so sweetly. talk to me so nicely. but then i found out how sweetly vicious your smiles were. how your nice words had their razor sharp edges, meant to hurt. i've never met someone like you.
the bitter aftertaste of your friendship. i doubt i'd ever forget (:

i've not been studying hard enough either. i just might fail my first semester. haha.

cologne

2006-10-02T21:38:00.000-07:00

sometimes, opportunities don't come twice.
guess i learnt that the hard way.

"jaaaassss, don't be silly!"
haha. yeah i guess i have been rather nutty huh.

the friends made, when we were 13, 14.
such blessings in my life (:
i love the girls at work too.

but i hate this girl in school. as in, i really hate her as much as i hate excel. because.. i've never met anyone who put me down so much before. so what if she's older. she can't even speak proper english and she had the audacity to speak to me as if i was some snotty kid. ugh.

i can't handle uni life.
i thought i could learn to adapt.
but i can't yet. not really.
i still find myself constantly looking back longingly at my comfort zone and before i know it, *poof i'm back in there again.
with things that i'm familiar with, with friends that i'm not afraid to let my guard down with.

i can't stop running away from what just seems much too daunting to me.

yet i had the courage to nuzzle and hold him tight.
lol.

2006-09-03T02:12:00.000-07:00

road signs and rocks songs.

a shy demeanor. an english accent.
to die for.

jasmin wishes you were here.

fake plastic trees

2006-08-24T00:32:00.000-07:00

what's up with all the superficiality these days?

don't say you miss me jus for the sake of sayin it. haha.
it annoys me. immensely.
if i happen to have slipped your mind for the past few weeks, months etc. it's alright, really. it doesn't make me depressed and shit.
seriously, don't do it. haha

people in uni are.. very friendly.

oh oh. but i do love hugs. very very much (:
makes me feel all fuzzy inside.
*gasps!! jaaaaassssssssssss!!!! *hugs!!
lol. yea that made me smile.

sighs

2006-08-19T22:02:00.000-07:00

so many readings to do.
what if i can't cope.

'm jus not feelin it

why

2006-08-14T02:54:00.000-07:00

why is it that people never treasure what they have till its too late
why is it that some people find it hard to be honest
why do people lie
why do some people insist on forcing their own opinions upon others
why do we cry
why is it so hard to love a person who treats you like a queen
why is it so hard to make friendships work
why dont the right people care
why do people gossip so much
why does backstabbin occur
why cant we ever be satisfied
why is it so hard to pick yourself up when you fall
why do people play mind games
why does god take the best people first
why cant people stop complainin
why cant people learn to genuinely care

i wish things could be easier. but life never lets you get it easy huh.

sweetness

2006-08-08T23:02:00.000-07:00

sweetness, you've got me hooked.

slippin thru my fingers. there aint nothin i can do, to make him stay.
it's a pity. but i guess friends come and go huh.

sweetness, you've got me hooked.
jus another one of those. haha.

maine has left :( i miss ya already love. anyway, i had soo much fun. but life has to go back to the norm now.. you take care hey. hopefully, we'll be able to make it up there to ride in your car next year (:

for all the fun we had (:
xoxo.

2006-07-27T12:45:00.000-07:00

99.9% of rumours don't involve me. but when that 0.1% actually comes up through people puttin words into my mouth, i found myself gettin rather annoyed.
and what irked me more, was the fact that you should have heard bout it before me. as a good friend, the least you could have done, was to give me a heads up. or at least clarify it with me?

the bitchiness of girls. and guys, apparently.

can't be bothered to say anythin more.

2006-07-25T14:17:00.000-07:00

to one and all, who made my 19th an enjoyable one.. thank you, sincerely (:
for takin the time out to have lunch/dinner/club with me, for the hugs, the love, the calls, the messages, the shots and the gifts (: it was very much appreciated..

mitch & matthias! we're all 19th now! heh.
and the rk auntie who gave us quite a bit of free food in view of our birthdays, she rocks! lol :D

his chalet was pretty fun. with friends, food, guitar, alcohol, tannin, NIGHT SWIMMIN, cards, it can't possibly go wrong huh (:

school's startin. feelin a lil apprehensive.

xavier's exams are comin up. if he doesn't do well, ima be fired. lol.

i reeealllyyy hope we get to go on our 3rd-5th trip.

sighs.

2006-07-19T00:03:00.000-07:00

lol.
okay, i feel so... blah. changin my wishlist at this point of time. haha. but oh wth right. there's a reason why people call it a wishlist. afterall.... payday's comin (:

got a rather ominous feelin bout the comin dinners tho.
haha. sighs.

*crosses fingers.
please please let my tuition fees application get through.

rk

2006-07-15T06:55:00.000-07:00

i jus read that sleeping less, makes one more prone to hunger pangs.
"Ghrelin increases feelings of hunger while leptin acts to suppress appetite. People who habitually slept for 5 hours were found to have 15% more ghrelin than those who slept for 8."
that's bad news.

"late nights make people thing you're an indecent lady."
i resent that.
such a generalized statement cause you didn't take into consideration, the type of company. what i stay out for.
don't judge me, sweetheart.

i don't get why people have a problem with the mainstream stuff. i mean, if you wanna be the minority just cause it's cooler to be different from the other 1 000 000 people, then.... i don't know.. go live in a cave... or somethin.
don't diss just because you're too cool to appreciate.

she knows he could care less. but she can't make herself give it up.
sad truth eh.

2006-07-14T00:52:00.000-07:00

13TH JULY DEDICATION
to a lovely amazin awesome 'always runnin around' lady, Bingo Lim Libing. (LOL!)
happy happy birthday! best wishes and the such. i believe you had a blast (:

it has been quite a crazy fun week. haha.
i love ministry of sound (:
and i loveeeeee it that maine is back. lol (:
i loveee my girls (:
i loveee the rk gang (:

work is gettin kinda interestin too, since they're throwin me behind the bar occassionally. cocktails and house pours are fun (:

world cup final was also one helluva match huh (: josh msged at 6:48am sebastian's really really upset man. haha. the poor french.

the only thing that makes me sad. is the lack of substantial runnin. ):

oliver

2006-06-25T01:22:00.000-07:00

i met a little french boy named oliver, today.
with a smile that'll break alot of hearts in future, that's for sure.
he spoke his language so fluently
and english, in a halting singaporean accent.
he made me laugh when he said
"mama, i want to follow her."

totally random (:

i don't get why people think i'm innocent and harmless.
i really am quite devious and evil.
'm definitely goin to hell.

hahaha.

dco

2006-06-20T01:14:00.000-07:00

tall and insistent. yet a lil distracted.

bump & grind.

how skanky..

lol!

party was really, pretty fun (:

bleed.

2006-06-16T06:51:00.000-07:00

see the truth is, you could slit my throat. and with my one last gasping breath, i'd apologize for bleedin on your shirt.

2006-06-14T00:34:00.000-07:00

even the best, fall down sometimes.

i really really wanted federer to win. *sigh.

anyway, world cup fever. jason painted aussie colors on our faces yesterday, against our wishes. lol. crazy stuff.

maine's back. fun (:

nothin.

2006-06-08T01:15:00.000-07:00

*bawls.
i miss, so damn much ):

i think 'm a horrible person.
when it comes to me givin up a little more of myself, i get scared.
but i didn't mean to pull away.
'm really not good enough for him anyway.

nus business, it is. pleasee let me get into LPP.

i came to realize, how there's really nothin spectacular or unique about me. i am, really quite forgettable. haha. but i guess like everythin else, that has it's own pros and cons. like how i can get away with things simply because.. people forget that i am there.
ha. ha.

it's the world cup fever. i miss you, jrd.

alvin.

2006-05-31T00:19:00.000-07:00

rk. virgins. subjective. girls are devious. stress. fake orgasms. smokes. gold coast. egg onion prata. sega. console. ice kosong. first kiss. protection. eurasians. non eurasians. sentosa. hot tempered. driver's license. work in 3 hours. work in 4. ooohhhh. screwed up daughter's life.

utter randomness.
yet i love (:

sentosa's... different this time round. but company's still as awesome (:
'm tired but it's time for another late night chat. haha

nary a hint of acknowledgement. stung more than i expected. the least you could have said, was a thank you.

she pales in comparison. almost invisible.

sentosa

2006-05-22T09:26:00.000-07:00

i've slept a total of 12 hours in the past 4 days.
haha. leavin home for sentosa at ungodly hours. but i had a really good time (: there's this melancholic "camp ends" feelin. ha.
can't wait for the pictures.

stayin at rk till 6am. talkin about the most random things. playing that stupid game.
i like.
haha (:
he said, "you're the only person i can't decipher."

never seen my eyebags this bad before.
this means, time to stop and rest huh.

there was such a strong resemblance. he had the same eyes. the same smile. the same fair skin. the way he spoke, was so alike him too.

boo.

2006-05-13T00:36:00.000-07:00

i loved the drive home.. thanks for the ride. awesome, it really was (: this should spur me to work harder for my license hey. haha.

only mitch will make me do crazy things like leavin home at 230am to hang out somewhere. but was good 'catchin up' with him. the lightin of the bourbon bottle was too cool (:
reached home at 7am, was plannin to get a good sleep. till mom told me bout some family gatherin at grandma's place. great.
work at 5. busy night. by 9, i was in such a crabby mood from the lack of sleep it wasn't even funny.
slept on the bus ride home. there's somethin bout a bus rockin you to sleep, i swear. anyway, 'm still tired but i felt like bloggin.

chocolate buffet tomorrow (:

sooo. this is it.
'm out.

joel.

2006-05-08T01:54:00.000-07:00

hugs.
they show tender affection (:

ryan got me to love the name, joel.
joely (:

be still, heart of mine.

none.

2006-04-27T01:04:00.000-07:00

so i didn't get it.

i guess i should have known. deep down, i was expectin this. but somehow.. i just couldn't help feelin that rush of disappointment when reality hit.
ahh well.

emmanuel kept askin me what happened. haha. then said there's always a reason for anythin that happens. at the end of it all, it'll work out. perhaps. perhaps. then to lift my spirits a lil, brad asked for sexual favours. lol. right...
was a temporary reprieve.

2006-04-19T23:10:00.000-07:00

tired.

she said:
"so you put all your excess energy/attention/effort into pursuing something that you know is unattainable. because then there's no risk of you gettin disappointed."
"this emotional need that's never fulfilled"

i think i get what she's tryin to say.
i guess it applies in sebastian's case. as josh told me, "he's like your popular cheerleader sister's boyfriend. someone who's nice and talks to you but you just know he'll never be yours. you still dream anyway."

that's the only spot-on point though. when i think back on her words, i doubt i have an emotional need that's always left unfulfilled. even though i thought that jean left me disappointingly high and dry. but when i think again, he didn't get that far. i can safely say... i've never met anyone who managed to really really break my heart. nor anyone who left me feeling extremely disappointed. i've never truly fallen that deep before, even though in the past i thought i have.
well, i have yet to.
despite what many believe, i don't wear my heart on my sleeve (: it's not a place i let people in easily. true, i fall in and out of "love" very easily, but it's hardly ever serious.

other than t and jean, my attention span has always been very hastily short. i pursue it intensely for a brief period, then it dies. "yet to grow up, still wanting to play." are josh's words. haha. i suppose that's pretty much it?
that's why i like martin so much. it was purely flirtatious banter that we knew would only go so far. yet we still play. and i've got to admit, part of why i was drawn? i respected the fact that he wasn't smitten by her. ha. it really takes somethin to do that.

anyway. heh. it then led me to ponder about how much of myself i actually show my friends. to be quite honest, the only person who has really managed to see through my bluffs and gave me an almost spot-on description of who he thought i really was, is kit. maybe it's cause we're similar in so many ways. it scares me sometimes, how i can hide certain things from so many people, but just not him. mates, indeed.
and josh too. but i think he gets it jus from bein too observant and analytical. ha.

rightttt. 'm out.

to the girl i spent my airport days with: 'm sorry we haven't had time to hang out and talk. soon though hey (: take care of yourself meanwhile.. sometimes you really don't have to think so much. just feel. don't bother bout friends opinions. it's a matter of your heart, not theirs.
omg i sound so cliche and hallmark. lol. much love yea (:

white stripes

2006-04-16T09:03:00.000-07:00

Hey little apple blossom
What seems to be the problem?
All the ones you tell your troubles to
They don't really care for you

Come and tell me what you're thinking
Cause just when the boat is sinking
A little light is blinking
And I will come and rescue you

Lots of girls walk around in tears
But that's not for you
You've been looking all around for years
For someone to tell your troubles to

Come and sit with me and talk a while
Let me see your pretty little smile
Put your troubles in a little pile
And I will sort em' out for you

Lots of girls walk around in tears
But that's not for you
You've been looking all around for years
For someone to tell your troubles to

Come and sit with me and talk a while
Let me see your pretty little smile
Put your troubles in a little pile
And I will sort em' out for you

I'll fall in love with you
I think I'll marry you

faithy

2006-04-11T19:15:00.000-07:00

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack

sometimes, it ain't ever enough for some people. we jus gotta deal.
sometimes, certain things come and go. you may or may not get the advanced memo. you jus gotta deal.

so i've learnt. what little i have, i hold close. and i pray it stays.

ramblings.

^{love. faith.}

2006-04-10T04:17:00.000-07:00

singapore rugby sevens was an amazing experience. haha. 'm rather sad that's it's over actually. even though my muscles are aching right now. ha.

i really liked his flirty winks. cheeky smiles. and playful replies. but we both knew that we were just there to play huh. oh well :) was fun while it lasted.

anyway.

sometimes i really wish you'd let me indulge for a moment. i mean.. i feel like i do so much for you but when i wish for a little of your time to hear me out, to let me gush, you always tend to shut off. i'm not askin for too much here, am i? just an occasional tiny tiny bit of 'selfless-ness' on your part. it would mean alot to me. but i suppose.. that's like askin for the moon from you.

2006-04-06T16:02:00.000-07:00

haha. fine, josh. fine. i fell in lust. she's really really nice though.. (:
anyway, had lunch with faith yesterday.. so... good stuff (: took more pictures of her pictures.
was supposed to meet the 'class' at mos. was really lookin forward to it before shit started at home.. plans disrupted, stayed home to watch replay of champions league semis.

went to bed early.

toss and turn. thought about this and that. and yeah. life's really quite screwed up huh? ha. i mean, sure there are the pretty things in life. and sometimes really good shit happens once in a while..
but when you take a step back and look at the whole picture, 3/4 of it is covered with ugly black and red smudges. friends come and go. more often than not, you wonder whatever did you do that made your relationships with family and friends turn so sour. did you not do enough. or did you do too much.
then after all that pondering, after being bitten so many times and not learning your lesson. you figured, oh wth. indeed since friends come and go, i'll take it with a pinch of salt too. have fun while it lasts yet knowing at the back of your mind where to draw the line. where to put up the barriers and say, 'okay you're gettin too close, now back off'.
so you don't get anymore new wounds. but what happens when you realize that the old wounds which were supposed to heal with time, which were supposed to be scabs by now, are only festering inside.
on certain days, these old wounds surface and you realize rather shockingly that 'wow, it still stings.' they never went away, merely pushed to the back of your mind and stuffed under all that superficiality you've let yourself grow accustomed to.
then you start thinkin about more importantly, your loved ones, your family. the people who were supposed to be there for you all the time. you think about how they dont appreciate you. how everything you do is never enough. how you're always the black sheep of the family. you envy your friends who have parents that say nice things about them, how they're so proud of what they've achieved. you become bitter and wonder why couldn't you have been born into another family. one that gave you a pat on your back when you did well for your exams, one that didn't just keep asking why couldn't you do more.
after all these angst, you're on a roll. you wallow deeper into this miserable pool of self-pity and think, 'wtf. why am i weak. why can't i be stronger? perhaps all these is my fault. perhaps i brought it all unto myself! it's no one's fault but my own. i chose to let these people hurt me. i knew they were scumbags but i still let them get to me! fuck i'm pathetic!'
so you sink deeper and deeper into self-misery..........

and that's the end! (:
wow, if you really read through that.. oh man. ha.
amazing huh? the crap and shit that people can come up with.
well if you were a tad smarter and simply scrolled all the way down, summary is.. life really sucks. don't expect too much out of it. cause then your hopes would be dashed and you become miserable. and suicidal. and then.. yeah..

on another note.. good luck to the guys enlisting tomorrow. haha.

to end it off, GC rocks!

faith

2006-04-03T13:36:00.000-07:00

i fell in love with a girl.

her name is faith.

she's everythin anyone could ever wish for.

her smile makes me blush.

strange and beautiful

2006-03-30T19:39:00.000-08:00

I've been watching your world from afar
I've been trying to be where you are
And I've been secretly falling apart
Unseen
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful
You'd be so perfect with me
But you just can't see
You turn every head but you don't see me

and it fits so perfectly.

28th march

2006-03-29T19:09:00.000-08:00

hmm. sweetness (:

met josh for breakfast yesterday mornin. at far east square. which was like, 2minutes from naxos. i swear he did that on purpose, sadistic thrill he gets from my darting eyes every few minutes. i could just imagine the scene...

salvo walks past.
*does a double take*
*stares*
"HEY! ARENT YOU SUPPOSED TO BE OVERSEAS RIGHT THIS MOMENT?!"

haha. i swear, lying can only take you so far. anyways, despite the jitters, it was a good breakfast (: walked back to raffles place where i stared in awe at drew & napier once again. haha. sigh. the stuff that goes on inside that building... a whole new language. then he went back to the office while i went on my merry way to meet mom for some retail therapy. haha (:
pretty much uneventful after that. went home to rest for a bit then dad's birthday dinner! one word, scrumdilicious. if there's even such a word. lol. gotta love chinese food (:

met jess at east coast this mornin for a run. i was late but she waited. good stuff (: lol.
went to town, watched V with kit. well.. despite his insistence at it being damn good. i felt it was only.. rather good. hahaha. still preferred batman. and ohhhh i can't wait for x3 now that i've seen the trailer on big screen! anyway.. i liked V, but i wouldn't watch it 5 times. :p but thanks for the good company (: special seats man! ha. oh, and it was interesting to note how the streets of orchard were suddenly flooded with beefcakes. lol. the ships have docked i suppose?

ice cream!

2006-03-26T01:54:00.000-08:00

jus got back!
hung out with kit and pesky (:
and ohhh, i finished one whole bowl of banana rhumba ice cream, all by myself!
haha! let me tell you, bad decision.
lol. too much too much.
i'm on such a sugar rush now. i was kinda tired around 11. now i'm like THIS awake! haha.

saturday's bbq at kit's was really quite awesome.

and ohhh my.
excited for tues, fri and sat!
haha. sat! playground and the swings.
*beams

and i've already gotten my daddy his birthday present too!
joy (:

i can still feel the sweetness of the ice cream in my mouth.
haha (:

2006-03-24T11:57:00.000-08:00

Burn me once, shame on you; Burn me twice, shame on me.

and they say i never learn.
i don't think it matters. how many times i got burnt. like a firefly drawn to her light, there's somethin about her that keeps me going back all the time. it's hard to explain. even harder to understand.

happened on two separate occasions. in two different entities. addicted to both. an innate weakness?
perhaps.
but i hate to think i'm not strong enough to pull away.
he tells me that i've got to be made of sterner stuff than this.

perhaps. i should.

naxos.

2006-03-18T20:41:00.000-08:00

yesterday marked my last day at naxos. lol. sounds weird. anyway.. it has been great fun but time to move on i suppose. followin rolf was dan, now it's me. to be soon followed by serene i think. haha. i'll miss it there, really... the people, the whole experience of workin at a restaurant with such a unique ambience.
hung around till 130am.. eating, drinking and doing shit. lol. josh even brought sebastian *prettysmile. i'll miss alot of people.. salvo and gabri especially. but 'm pretty sure i'll still see gabri often.. pop by his restaurant. and of course josh. *prettysmile. annoying fuck you are, but you have your uses. hahaha. 'm sure i'll be hearing plenty from you, with your text messages and the such :) i'll miss serene and her mothering. lol. it always puzzles me, why she likes to do that even though she's younger than me. haha.. but she's someone 'm glad to have came across, despite her past.. one of the toughest girl i've ever met.

new job? i wanna rest for awhile first though. swim, get some books, watch a movie (lol. can't remember the last one i watched.) some retail therapy maybe. haha. and the first shall be paintball tomorrow :) it should be good fun! even though i'll be missing f1, missing raikkonen take to the podium.. but i suppose.......... it's alright? haha.

oh i've been sick too. had fever for one day, during which i felt miserable and wished i was dead. haha. after the fever broke, came down with cough which continues to pervade me. hacking my lungs out. joy. (:

and today's juc day! *big grin.

alright, footie beckons :) laters.

2006-03-08T00:06:00.000-08:00

im wondering whether i should quit my job. i mean, it's fun and all but i'm gettin too worn out. haha. and my reasons for stayin in the first place are all leavin one by one, in search of better jobs. sigh.. so how? ha.

uni applications. pain in the ass too. never been good at promoting myself and now i'm supposed to make me sound like someone worthy of the nobel prize. *roar.

i hate this rollercoaster of emotions. one moment you say this, but then your actions sing a totally different tune. why start when you never had the intention of completin it? are you bein intentionally oblivious?
perhaps it's no one's fault but my own. for interpreting your actions to be more than what they seem. for lettin myself flutter so easily.

it's makin my head and heart hurt. ugh.

*bawls where's sebastian! at least he distracted me from all those serious stuff. i miss the mornings! :(

and lol. i know i call you an asshole often. but you really say the best things sometimes, to make me feel a lil better bout myself. much love (:

2006-03-05T23:30:00.000-08:00

it's been buggin me for a while.. cause i can't quite seem to make sense of it all. i mean, it seems.. yet not. you know? haha. but i like the friendship anyway.

*gasps. meet the barkers season 2! *squee.

lol.

i love my girls. (: haha.

2006-02-27T18:06:00.000-08:00

good news, bad news.

good:
manchester thrashed wigan 4-0 to take home our first silverware in two years. haha. no doubt the carling cup isn't much, but it still is somethin :) glory glory man united!

i thought this was a good sign, that the comin week of results would be a good one. then, this mornin..

bad:
as he sat down at the bar, sebastian said, it's his last cup of italian coffee every morning. i kinda froze, wide eyed. lol. so i asked, but why. then he says cause the office's movin to raffles place. tomorrow. today's their 'moving day'. though he says he'd still come back for a meal occasionally, but really, how often would that be. once every two months? sigh. no more 'good mornings' then.

so i guess this week wouldnt be that good anymore.

the guys couldnt stop laughin. but really, it's tragical :( haha.

25th feb

2006-02-25T01:29:00.000-08:00

25thFeb2006
1:32am

there has been a shift in atmosphere at work recently. s quite disconcerting, really.. 'm crossin my fingers, maybe it'll pass over the weekend. although s never been quite the same anymore since dan left..

sebastian comes down for a smoke and a cuppa coffee every morning. has been comin down alot more often to smoke, the past week. says work is stressful.
'm not complaining, really. lol.
it's been rather stressful for us as well, with a slight tinge of tension underlying everything we do.
not that it's no longer fun, cause i can't imagine laughing as much as i do with them, but only when salvo's not around. recently, something seems to have crawled up his ass and died...

results out 1st march. joy..

ANYWAY, if your results are good (which i highly doubt would be the case for mine, but that's besides the point. lol.) and you feel like a good celebration's in due, check out this party hey :)

FLAUNT WHAT YOU'VE GOT PARTY SERIES 1
-Party by First Wave

Presents the..
Hottest dance move party!!

Showcasing some of the hottest dancers in
the street dance arena, not to be missed!

Breath taking stunt bike opening performances.

Be spotted with the greatest dance moves
and win hot prizes!

Be present at LIQUID ROOM on
the 11th of MARCH (SAT) 2006
from 10pm onwards till late!

Be sure to check out our stunning First Wave
babes presenting you with goodies and prizes!

Tickets are priced at $16 presale and $18 at the
door.
Get them fast before they run out.
Inclusive of 1 free drink!
Free drinks and exclusive promotions &
lucky draws all night long!

hit me for tics if you're interested :)

till then, be good :)

joely

2006-02-14T04:21:00.000-08:00

i felt a weird rush of satisfaction when i saw that my last post was almost a month ago? and i don't think it can even be considered an update. haha. don't know why though.
anyways, couldn't sleep. talkin to xander and suddenly felt like blogging a little. i suppose life has been kinda routined.. work, lunch, hangin around naxos, readin, csi, work. yea. haha. i kinda like it though. i mean, the work's demanding sometimes.. but i have fun company there(senorita, bella), so it's alright.. and no doubt there are the asshole customers, but with them, also come the really good and fun ones :)
that said, i haven't caught up with alot of people.. Miss Drey, i miss you the most pleaseeee. haha. well, meetin up with some for lunch this week.. so it should be good :) caught up with nadene a few times.. s too bad you're leavin so soon :( s been fun though.. write me k. i'll miss ya :)

oohhhhh, and cny was really quite awesome :) fun time with the relatives. i mean, the feastin and the catchin up was one thing. but the gambling? god, best uncles ever. haha. love, really. now i'm sad that the 15 days have gone by in a flash.. but oh wells, life goes on. i suppose i'll just have to wait till christmas once again. lol.

and i've grown like, FATTER.(god, it's such a fugly word huh? haha.) and sicker. but oh wth, the good food i swear. makes the sore throat seem like a pretty good trade off. haha. sigh, retard.

alright, that's it for now. be good :)

no one.

2006-01-16T00:17:00.000-08:00

cause i haven't found him, that's why.

liars

2006-01-11T00:12:00.000-08:00

you made me realize that everyone's a hypocrite. everyone. and i aint no saint either.
i guess the difference is merely the extent, the extent you allow yourself to succumb to.

don't preach to me about how you're straight forward, you say what you mean, yada yada. liar. :)

"i hate hypocrites, backstabbers, attention seekers, shallow mindless fucks who choose their friends by popularity"
haha. oh yeah, right. we hate them so much that we've taken up some of their qualities. keep the enemies closer so we can learn from them, and when they least expect it, strike back and give 'em a taste of their own medicine?
see, now we can all be classified under the same headin of "lying sacks of shit". :)

please don't assume. you'd only make an ass out of you and me. don't assume you know who i'm talkin about.
but then again.... well, ask yourself if you fit the description. i think alot of us actually do. haha :)

lying sacks of shit, indeed.
your insight, i salute :)

how now?

2006-01-09T22:02:00.000-08:00

this feelin sucks. i need to get a grip and move on. :)

work today was... as per usual. not busy, thus dan got his first try at makin foccacia. pretty good i'd say. haha. i wanna learn too!
off tomorrow. gonna company manda in the afternoon, watch the inking of her first tattoo. bet it'll hurt like an effin bitch. haha.

i wanna go to england, watch manchester play. i don't care that they drew with burton albion, their record number of cups won is still indisputable. lotsa young players introduced in the game, pique looks promising :) vidic watchin from the stands, looked tough too. haha.

anyways, ashton kutcher kicks so much ass. *grin

roar.

2006-01-04T20:01:00.000-08:00

feels weird not having to go to school. can't exactly say i've missed it, per se. but.. well, there's this feeling... yea. haha.

anyway. manchester drew :( just a tad disappointed cause they could have won it.. ahh well. and cause of that late match, i couldn't get up for the run with gao. lol. but prata for breakfast was still good huh :) that said, to those goin off to "become men" this friday and saturday, have fun hey? haha.

quite ironic to actually hear you tease me 'bout a rumour. ha. annoyed me a little. would have spat out a nasty phrase or two if my senses hadnt kicked in in time.

2006

2006-01-01T11:22:00.000-08:00

happy new year guys!! oh my, it's 2006! time really flies huh.. haha.
anyway, nye was really quite awesome :) met jr. whom i haven't seen in a year, almost two, for dinner. O_O "j...?" lol. cute. mm, michelangelo served the best tagliatelle (although i really still can't appreciate red wine :p), and you were the perfect company. such a gentleman too.. :) decided to go down to naxos to visit salvo for a bit and oh my, he was so pissed. lol. "you still dare to come!!" haha. place was teeming with people but they looked like they were having fun with all the balloons and stuff :) had many many cheek greets too!! i really like that for some reason or another, even though people think it's bimbotic. seriously man, it's not. haha. then we headed down to penny black for drinks. hey i don't see what's wrong with shirley temples. they're good stuff okay! haha. watched the crazy people party away and giving out free lightsticks. haha. i had a really really good time catchin up and only wish you didn't have to leave so soon.. but i suppose all good things come to end huh. i'll miss ya, don't be a stranger :)

then i headed down to home to look for the class. hotspot for boylove! lol. and girllove too of course :) had lots of champagne before, so couldn't really stomach anymore drinks. just sat around and talked crap. haha. then they decided to go down to one fullerton so we made our way thru the masses. met some annoyin fucks/pervs on the way but hey, its nye. so wth huh. ha. when we finally got there, hung outside for a bit, then i left with ling and rach. stayed by the riverside to talk for a bit :)
oh my god. horrible experience tryin to get a cab. i'm pretty sure we waited for 2hours plus! and rach's mom actually managed to book a cab for us but he came across someone else willin to pay a higher price and decided to forgo us :( asswipe. came across more pervs. hahaha. had fun takin silly pictures. seemingly nice people who offered a lift and said stuff like "don't worry, i'm married and you're too young for me." right.. haha. nevertheless, we laughed a lot. whether it was from fatigue or "riding on a high", man.. we really had no freakin idea. haha :)

finally managed to get a "limo" for 30 bucks around 4am. off to bao's place i went. was quite fun. such a bimbo... lol. talk talk, and when they started watchin movies, i fell asleep pretty soon. haha. we'll get together more! ladies night at mos, as nad said. haha :)

happy new year, one and all :) don't be strangers now :)

manana sera se si

2005-12-28T23:55:00.000-08:00

i feel awful :(

i was doing okay.
i didnt wanna know. why did you have to tell me. it all seems like words meant to spite and taunt.
sometimes you're really really not a nice person huh?

manana sera se si.

dec24th

2005-12-24T00:06:00.000-08:00

'm back from a short trip. (:
to summarize, phuket was aweeesssommmeee, as expected. genting was.. well, horrible start but got better. and SIA kicks so much ass. lol. all the pretty ladies. cousins bonding wasnt as bad as i thought it'll be, twas pretty fun actually. (:
got hit with migraines the moment i came back ): sleep sleep sleep but i still have awful eye bags.

had to drag myself to work today. lucky it was a quiet night.. hot twins came in and dan let me get them. 'yep, and a merry christmas to you too. (:'
then salvo got so bored he started singing "jingle my bells". haha.

i feel... you know. somethin.

merry christmas eve to one and all (:

random.

2005-12-15T01:14:00.000-08:00

i want to run!!

what's with everyone and online games. now rafa wants me to play maplestory. it seems... cute though. haha.

this constant procrastination is killing me.

whatever happened to the easy banter that used to exist between us.

i want to do more shopping.
with my mom. haha.
she was makin some crystal bracelets jus now. haha.

my enthusiasm for baking lasted a grand total of 2 days (: now it's... cooking. and yes, there is a difference.

s funny seeing how guys are gettin addicted to chic-shows. lol.

wow. its 0122am again! *kicks 1am in the balls.

mofuya's room.

2005-12-10T05:46:00.000-08:00

oh my. i actually spent close to 3hours playing this game wherein you have to try to escape out of a room. well.. i guess, though it was frustratin and annoyin, it was sorta fun while it lasted. but the ending was so.. anti-climatic. lol. THANKS, rolf, for introducing that brilliant game. keep laughing, i'll get you back someday. haha :p

and sorry i got you to play it too! but hey, what are friends for if not to play silly games with huh. haha :)

ranting to gao bout killing/beating her in the wee hours of the mornin too. ha. 'm embarrassed to admit, she tends to bring out a very bitter and vicious side of me. but maybe what you said is true,girls, we'll patch things up somehow. ha.

riiiggghhhttt, jus in time for breakfast. ha.

^{i like it when he calls me senorita.}

hesitant.

2005-12-09T01:16:00.000-08:00

i can't believe the devils crashed out :( that royally sucks :(

there's a new guy at work called mazlan. he's on probation too. haha! he's pretty though. looks can be so deceivin. ha.
i was 1hour late for work. thanks to dan. pfft. "let's take this bus, it's faster." HA! right. felt as though i went on a tour round singapore.

'he's such a gentleman huh? some might get the wrong idea, don't you think?'
yep. tell me 'bout it.

oh my. mars balls. mars ice-cream. orgasmic. lol.

the airport

2005-12-07T03:32:00.000-08:00

went to the airport with dan today (: or rather, yesterday. considerin the time now. haha.
amidst banana muffins, black black coffee with 6 packets of equal, silly and rowdy lads, i had a good time (:
i miss how the airport used to be though, back when bingo and i spent almost 24/7 there. haha.

chelsea vs. liverpool. go reds! (:

busted.

2005-12-06T01:27:00.000-08:00

You've always been this way since high school
Flirtatious and quite loud
I find your sense of humour spiteful
It shouldn't make you proud
And I know your pretty face gets far with guys
But your make-up ain't good enough to hide the lies.

oh my. how appropriate. ha.
and before you go there. no, kit. it's not who you think. lol :)

sigh.

yay there's peanut butter.

things to do.

2005-12-04T21:03:00.000-08:00

1)that darn hippo ride? hello? we've been talkin bout that since last year. lol.
2)night safari
3)mambo jambo, i think min said?
4)sentosa and club when nad comes back! heh.
5)keep working so i'll have $ of my own. haha.
6)the food-list that we've compiled? haha.
7)foreign films, ling!!
8)study for SATs! psh.
9)runnin. east coast. gao!
10)get kit to buy me drinks. lol
11)retail therapy :(
12)airport with dan:)
13)bingo.. quest to locate rodney again? haha. and more hanging out talkin bout crap.
14)keep working.
15)driving lessons?
16)keep working.
17)thailand! yay. can't wait.
18)keep working.
19)jess!! soccer sleepovers! haha.
20)start swimmin again? i've missed it. gav!! haha.
21)dinner and a walk. 'm holdin you to it:)

haha. k i think that's about it.
seems alot though. haha.

.

2005-12-01T01:25:00.000-08:00

so this is it.
im feeling a myriad of feelings.. haha.
i kinda had alot to say jus now. but really, i'm just too darn lazy.
maybe when i'm in a writing mood. haha.

he's making me feel weird.

gao's pictures are takin a hundred years. haha.

watched harry potter with bingo and nads today! i like seamus. (:

wanna run at east coast.

miss my swimmin trainings.

miss the back row of 2t02.

miss the breaks we spent runnin around the 90deg track.

miss the skipping of lectures. stayin in class.

miss skipping school to have breakfast. miss the talks.

nov26

2005-11-26T01:20:00.000-08:00

^{where did we go wrong.

more shopping tomorrow. yay.

you want what you can't have. ooh girl that's too damn bad.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NADENE!!!!!!! a grown man now. LOL ;)}

mandai zoo.

2005-11-25T00:47:00.000-08:00

went to the zoo with the girls today. twas fun (: loved the giraffes. miniature horses. tigers. squirrel monkeys. small lil goats. ben&jerry's! haha. chunky monkey's good stuff. and of course the company was lovely too, albeit being superbly hyper ;)
i got tired real fast though. don't know why. haha. went down to naxos after that. back to work. omg, i was so tired. i can't believe i actually managed to survive through that party. haha. thanks to all that hot 'eye-candies' no doubt. heh, sexy.

you know, 'm awfully awfully scared for my results. there's jus this naggin feelin at the back of my mind that i can't seem to shake off. ugh.

heartbreaker, you are. yet you seem so oblivious, to your ability to hook up someone's interest at the snap of your fingertips. like bees to honey, they get stuck on you. but you've always been so cavalier.
then you talk bout her breaking your heart. but look back and see how many others have been broken by you thus far? some might actually scoff, at your audacity to make yourself out as having been victimized by her. because.. don't you think you've had it coming? i mean.. talk about a karmic bite in the arse. ha.
but at the end of the day, who am i to say anythin huh. myob, as you always like to tell them. it just puzzles me. i mean, i can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that.. well, can someone really be that ignorant? psh.

prom's coming. and i haven't got the slightest hint of.. well, anythin to do with it really. haha. joy.

now i have the time, i want to run.

aint got no more faith.

2005-11-21T23:02:00.000-08:00

*roar

heh.

almost there.

2005-11-19T22:02:00.000-08:00

there's an army of lovers dying to meet you,
dying to make your acquaintance.

thanks for the manchester jersey *biggrin :D very sweet of you. heh. but well, no thanks for that shove into the toilet door. psh.

almost there. so tantalizingly close.
i doubt i'd be that happy tho. cause there's this nagging feelin at the back of my mind, that come february, i'd be.. well. yeah ):

i ate subway today.

indeed, that storm was a sight to behold (: not as scary though. guess you were up studyin too huh? haha.

bet gavin's on holiday again. pfft.

.

2005-11-10T22:03:00.000-08:00

we found out that, i get cold very easily.

it starts tomorrow.

devils.

2005-11-07T05:20:00.000-08:00

boo.

2005-10-31T23:48:00.000-08:00

trick or treat.
*sigh. in view of a halloween that i could have celebrated. bingo must be havin fun.

happy halloween!
yea, whatever. shut up. haha.

me: i just watched newlyweds halloween edition.
me: fuckin awesome. i want.
ry: ok
ry: gives u.

haha. yea whatever, shuddupp.

i jus heard.

2005-10-28T17:01:00.000-07:00

ain't that strong.
played hide&seek after studyin in school yesterday. res rach ling. embarrassing to some but hey, it was fuckin fun. haha. thumping hearts. thrillin.
good trade off for tuition, as ling said ;) and i kept the note that nice guy left. haha.

a friend gave me an insight of what he believed me to be. i was rather surprised, to be honest. but... well, yea.

daniel called. and ran my battery low. haha. fun. though i'm sorry you always seem to catch me when i'm in a ranting mood. :p fwb. soon, hey? haha.

i deleted alot of messages. don't know why i suddenly felt the need to do so. overwhelming reluctance to let go of that very last i have. but my hands seemed to have found a life of their own. ha.

i went to bed at 4:26am.

21 days.

2005-10-20T23:01:00.000-07:00

sheesh.
can't believe how near it is. and yet i'm still playin and not gettin down to the serious nitty gritty of all my assignments. argh. how.
haha. shit this is bad. haha.

he pulled her forth. jus a jacket, with no shirt. he thought it was sexy. *cheekysmile

play, play, play. my mam's gonna kill me if she finds out.

i want to run.

we played cards that night/early mornin after studyin. it was fun :) his skin was as fair as his, he sounded jus like him. jus a tad younger. haha.

seeyou.

2005-10-15T00:31:00.000-07:00

a day of personal farewells.
rolf has gone back to holland. you'll be missed... sorry i never got to readin the first few pages of your story. i'll get to it soon! haha :)

thanks for dinner and that walk. that hug felt like a permanent goodbye.

graduation on thursday. it was bittersweet. was happy that i could finally leave, yet it tugged at my heartstrings an awful bit. i'll miss alot of them... hopefully our friendships won't end there. meanwhile, let's all mug hard huh :)
i've got to admit, i'm really scared of what the future holds for me.

maha.

2005-10-12T21:22:00.000-07:00

guilty as charged.
i got so influenced by baos. i couldnt help myself!

adopt your own virtual pet!

feed him treats! feed him! :D love him. be nice and adopt a pet :)

i like the furthest end of the school library. it's conducive :)
went for dinner after. then to jason's. halloween mood was all around! haha. we should do it again sometime soon hmm? haha. maybe next time they'll have stuff which would scare my mom. and swollen tongues. blargh. haha.

ouch.

2005-10-11T19:20:00.000-07:00

don't lead me on.
i don't wanna know.
shit. that was fun. interestin. freeaaakkin fun?!
hahaha.
okay, albeit we agreed it'll be a one time thing, and one time thing only. but shittt.. lol :D pity she wasn't in the mood, you said? haha. someone up there must really love me today. thanks for takin me away for a while, lessenin the hurt a little. haha. god, you.

well, beginnin of today wasnt all that great. i found out bout things which would probably have been better left, undiscovered. now i see why, "curiosity killed the cat." i really really really didn't want to know. but hey, like she told me, it wasn't mine to begin with. so what gives me the right to feel hurt, right? heh. but okay, i'll shake it off :)
anyway, i guess i had known along, i jus didn't want to believe it. i mean it seems so... schizophrenic to enjoy somethin so much, and yet loathe it some other times. maybe i'm jus naive.
well it was kinda like, a slap back to reality. but better now than later huh? mmm.

okay i've rambled enough.
oh i had a haircut too! not much, but.. still made me feel somewhat better. haha.

jrd.

2005-10-09T00:27:00.000-07:00

bittersweet.

i took the link down. cause you don't update it anyway. haha. and it doesn't make me think of you everytime i see it. i know i know, it won't help much. ha. but it's a start i guess.

the royal outin was awesome. :) so very lovely indeed. laughed alot :) those were the days huh.

and yea, that night was fun :) although you got a bit annoying with regards to.. yes. pfft. more to come hmm? rant to me, maybe i will too. haha.

hmm.

2005-10-05T21:06:00.000-07:00

hurts like a bitch.
jus finished the 2 essays. hello, can you say gut-wrenchin torture?

i remember how you used to hold my hand, jus to stop me from crackin my knuckles. "your man's gonna leave you at the altar cause your finger's gonna be too fat." haha. my jaws can't stop crackin now. hurts like a bitch and it's annoyin. where are you.

stop askin me why. it'll only make me glare harder, with no forthcoming answer.

i got DEEB. sounds like dweeb. you're such a dweeb, jas.
haha.

unsure.

2005-10-03T22:02:00.000-07:00

"kind sir," she said.

feelin kinda lost now. heh.
anyway, i used to really love readin. i mean, i still do. but all these neverendin stacks of notes have kinda dampened/squashed that love. "everybody loves raymond" is freakin hilarious by the way. haha. although everyone's probably cooped up in their books and couldnt be bothered but oh wth. the only thing worth grinnin bout now is my gp grade. granted i didn't ace it, but close enough i think. haha. does that mean... well i don't know what that means. haha. aww shit man, my moodswings are gettin more and more atrocious. a 360deg double flip and reverse twist inside out and upside down roller coaster ride, it is. sorry if you've been at the end of my biting/caustic remarks, 'uncalled for' stares, dirty looks, whining voice, whatever. apologies. haha. yep, you behind the comp. 'm talkin to ya. all humans err? haha.
rrightt.
anyway, jes passed me this mag she got from her country club called think. sharp witty humour by the editors. haha. and some of the letters in the 'reader's write-in' are disingenuous at best. very laughable.
now, why can't studyin be this engagin, this interestin?

will you be resentful, i asked her. she said she think she would. i know i would. cause i felt it once before with her. a long time ago, but it's the sorta memory that doesn't fade. cause.. well, you feel guilty that you feel that way. because it's selfish and very very... bitter. but you just can't help it! so there it goes.

aww... and he's so insensitive. i'ld rather watch paint dry, watch the grass grow. then talk to him. which suddenly brings to my mind a dirty quote which... someone made about watchin paint dry. i can't remember who. lol. yucks, honestly! haha.

El balir daga. that's i miss you, in rolf's language. haha. sweeeet. genius, that tjalsma.

prelims

2005-09-29T18:03:00.000-07:00

embarrassed.
it's been a horrible past few days... i think. things jus kept goin wrong, one after another. like i told gao, it must be the change of shoes. ha.
i don't know why i'm doing some of the things that i'm doing now. it's quite screwed up actually. but ahh what's new.. i realize it doesn't matter to them anyway. thanks daniel, for makin me laugh with ohanian quotes and provin to me that i'm really better off. haha.
studied with drey. then we went to have a late lunch. sweet catchin up and i loveyou an awful lot! heh. (: i guess life sucks sometimes, but we'll get through it.

you tell me that unlike other fuckers, you mean what you say. but at the end of the day, you're just like them. it's so... fake. what an irony.

sorry.

2005-09-28T23:19:00.000-07:00

come sit with me and talk awhile.

i've learnt, that avoidance/denial/ignorance doesn't lessen the hurt. it's a dull numb that jus... refuses to go away.

i'm sorry our opinions on what constitutes love, differs.

i'm sorry i'm not able to be close to you, and not feel what im not supposed to.

i'm sorry for not tryin hard enough. i'm sorry i let my emotions rule my actions.

but brian kinney says sorry is bullshit.

quiet

2005-09-22T18:41:00.000-07:00

x&y

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just watch and learn

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
I will try to fix you.

jack.

2005-09-18T00:17:00.000-07:00

miss stretchberry.

_{SEPTEMBER 27}

I don't understand
the poem about
the red wheelbarrow
and the white chickens
and why so much
depends upon
them.

If that is a poem
about the red wheelbarrow
and the white chickens
then any words
can be a poem.
You've just got to
make
short
lines.

_{JANUARY 10}

I really really really
did NOT get
the pasture poem
you read today.

I mean:
somebody's going out
to the pasture
to clean the spring
and to get
the little tottery calf
while he's out there
and he isn't going
to be gone long
and he wants YOU
(who is you?)
to come too.

I mean REALLY.

And you said that
Mr. Robert Frost
who wrote
about the pasture
was also the one
who wrote about
those snowy woods
and the miles to go
before he sleeps -
well!

I think Mr. Robert Frost
has a little
too
much
time
on his
hands.

-By Jack
[Love That Dog]

haha. a good book that is. fresh enchanting utterly original.

i watched peter pan. it made me sad.

jealousy.

2005-09-15T22:27:00.000-07:00

please don't try to make me jealous.

international history. sigh. never felt so much pain from studyin somethin before. it's killin me. haha.

really really wanted to see the sunset today. was plannin to head down to the airport.. then dan decided it was a tad too far so we went down to east coast instead. thus, no sunset. but it was pretty enough (: soothe my frazzled nerves. ha. thanks for listenin, dan (: and cheerin me up. weird how fast a friendship develops huh? but i aint complainin.
and you're definitely as straight as they come. what was i thinkin. haha.

went for a run slightly after midnight yesterday. woah, felt awesome. haha (:

ena's so cool. "and you can take that knife outta my back now, bitch." haha. amused me for some reason or another. as i listened to "the hardest thing", you happened to cross my mind. but now on hindsight, i realize how dumb that was. because it was all in my head. it always has been. haha. lucca msged, "bella! good luck ;-)" one for me.

okay okay, shall have a second attempt at conquering international history.

hold my hand.

2005-09-15T00:40:00.000-07:00

hold my hand.
i told it to them, trustin that they wouldnt throw it back in my face. but i guess i was wrong. i hate them.
^{times like these that i wish i was an orphan.}

i know i sound immaturely spiteful sometimes. but i cant help it. they bring out the worse in me, i swear.

well this is unexpected. hello jinwei & david. haha :) yes, must swim swim swim! :(

"what man has joined, nature is powerless to put asunder" alluding to the wedding rites "what god hath joined together, let no man put asunder".
brave new world. haha. study le, study.

hold my hand. run away with me.

in the states, jarrod got that orgasmic thing then jes got it next. and now kit has it too! unfair :( i want it too. blah.

help.

2005-09-08T00:21:00.000-07:00

not prepared.

oh my god. played me like a fool.
i feel obscenely cheated. how very very naive, i was.
ouch. you wound me, really.
fuck i cant believe it. haha.

sigh.
i dont think im stressed out. yet there's this awfully unsettled and annoyed feelin inside me that does not seem to be goin away. how.. ugh. hate the international economy.

soph's gettin increasingly violent in my presence. startin to scare me, really. haha. guess i bring out the worst in alot of people around me. ho wells..

i miss my swimmin trainings. i really really do. i miss gavin an awful lot.

i really really really wish...

mates. definition?

gonna run again on friday. joy (: 'pretty eyes and pretty smile please?' heh.

a guy asked... if i was in primary 6.
i was rather stunned.

i hate lizards.

off to shower.
back to the books. pfft. fuckin books.

what would it take,

2005-09-02T22:02:00.000-07:00

my mama's a good cook.
gp today was quite a laugh. education and economic survival. fuckin alligators and trap doors. heh (: failed attempt at completing my prac crit essay too. haha. thanks tho, ben (:
and i miss you, drey.

went to town after, with ling rach and res. zara kinda grows on you (: kids these days have such pretty things to wear.
i saw many Honda CR-Vs too. I WANT! sigh.

runnin really soothes me.
twas a good run at east coast yesterday. loved the company. and the pretty boy who laughed made my smile a little wider (:

i think i do miss him. but i know he doesnt feel the same. ugh, my bad i guess.
behave, jas. as gavin would say. behave..

she always said i was a brat who often got my way. now i want you to love me. can you?

unworthy

2005-08-25T16:15:00.000-07:00

unworthy.

i figured.. it never hurt to try again, right?
but i guess i was wrong
it hurt. it really hurt to try.

it's more complex than what it appears to be.
i feel.. like a 'cast-aside'. someone who is unworthy of any attention.

runnin to perhaps take things off my mind. studyin perhaps in an attempt to bury those feelings away.
but there's only so far i can run. only so much i can hide from.

no longer a friend, that stands till the bitter end.

starved for affection, the spoilt personality comes out sometimes.

but the plastered smile will fall someday. the cheerful mask would eventually crack. the attempt at craziness will no longer pull the wool over their eyes.

i take alot of comfort in her friendship, and for that i'm really grateful.

is it really that fun, to make me feel like i'm nothin compared to you? i hope you're laughin then. at least one of us is having fun.
and maybe if i'm lucky, you'ld choke on your own spit and die.

the mockery has got to lose it's appeal sooner or later, right?

i'm never right these days. haha.

assuming things. i make an ass out of you and me. my bad.

i don't know you anymore. i used to fancy you so. yet all that you seem to speak of, is your greatness.

i really really like him. and the ironic question of who i really like? i can only laugh, but it's painful.

perhaps you'ld understand.
but i guess you'ld have better things to fill your time up with.

will you curse me, and leave me to my sleep.

homemade sandwiches

2005-08-22T23:01:00.000-07:00

360^o

like my new layout? heh (: i love.
s funny how my feelings towards f1 has taken a 180 turn. i used to think it was borin and... well. pointless.
one good race. jus one. was enough to erase that whole impression clean. haha. and someone's influence too of course (:

i love homemade sandwiches. don't you?
and subway of course.

i hope my perseverance for studyin doesn't wear off anytime soon.

and runnin was good today. it felt, oh so awesome (:

ever wanted someone so bad, it made your insides ache each time you saw him? it made your heart thump so loud, and yet clench so painfully you could hardly breathe? yet you know deep down, that it was never meant to be. but despite how many times you tell yourself, 'to jus get over it.' you can't. for he is an innate weakness in you, that you just can't seem to overcome.
well i have. and i only wish salvation would come.

i only wish you could love me.

2005-08-19T22:02:00.000-07:00

and it skipped a beat.

i'm so pa-the-tic. gosh. no guts, i swear.
*sigh
it nearly thumped out of my freakin mouth.

history mock was.. a joke. haha.
fuckin grandmother story, couldnt stop laughin to myself. ho wells.

it occured to me today, how i might be.. or rather, i am, inordinately sensitive. despite how much i try to tell myself, not to let others' perception affect me. i can't help but feel this disquiet twinge of.. somethin. (haha. can't seem to find the appropriate word..) when one shows a lack of faith in me.
don't question my integrity, nor my character. i'ld only hate you.

that sounds acutely immature. lol. so bite me.

i was upset today for some reason or another. people jus annoyed me immensely. temper was on an extremely short leash and it only got shorter when.. yea.
then thankfully, yea. (:

i bet the jasmin in the 2nd dimension leads a much happier life.

_{you can no longer find a friend, that will stand till the bitter end.}

penny black

2005-08-14T11:39:00.000-07:00

the red devils triumph :)

bailey's. pinacolada. ~~singapore sling.~~ coronas.
woozy woozy. lol.
it was fun :) we need to do it again soon.
you, i love :)
i only wished you came along. but i guess we can't ask for too much huh.

_{an angel who has fallen from grace.}